“As the deer longs for the water-brooks, so longs my soul for you, O God. My soul is athirst for God, athirst for the living God; when shall I come to appear before the presence of God?” Psalm 42:1-2 {1979 Book of Common Prayer)
I firmly believe that our souls long for connection to God, that what we want more than anything is to be close to God. For me, this largely means being close to people – spending time with friends, family, and colleagues. I encounter the Living God in God’s people, and it would be wonderful if I could honestly say it was in ALL of God’s people, but it isn’t. There are some children of God, deemed worthy of salvation by our Savior Jesus Christ, who bring out the worst in me.
While my soul seeks connection and love, there is a malignant part of me that seeks their opposite. For example, I have a dear friend who posts multiple news items a day on Facebook, and she has a small coterie of people that consistently disagree with her and tell her how wrong she is. My friend, whom I’ll call Celina, will counter the disagreements with cogent, thoughtful arguments, and her detractors will make insulting replies that attempt to gaslight Celina while also insulting her, without ever addressing her comments. These exchanges depress me and leave me feeling hollow. Before I look at Facebook, I think to myself, “I could look at Facebook, or hit myself with a hammer,” knowing that the latter option would be less painful.
I gave up social media for Lent and was better for it; I continued my fast after Lent, but eventually it crept back into my life. Social media is a tool and is not evil, in the same way a hammer is a tool and neither good nor evil. But I find little joy in it and actively pursue things that I know will not provide joy. Why? Why do I do this?
The most generous answer I’ve come up with is that I look at Celina’s Facebook page HOPING that her detractors will at least counter her arguments with sound arguments of their own, but what I actually want is to see them apologize to Celina, and further, to agree with everything she’s posted. But that’s not happening when I open Facebook. It’s more like, “Let’s see what these morons have said today.”
I know. They aren’t morons…they are children of God, worthy of Christ’s salvation. But that’s not what I’m thinking when I open Facebook.
What are we doing that is life-giving? What are we doing to counter the negativity that is constantly clamoring for our attention? Because looking for the reason why I do this isn’t stopping me from doing it – but I can cut the malignant behavior out of my life. I can fast from social media again. I can pray for my friend Celina and all the people that comment on her posts. I don’t need to know the chemical and neurological reasons why salty food tastes so good in order to cut it out of my life; I can just cut it out of my life. We know how to do this. We know how to take care of our bodies and our minds. We need to remember how to take care of our souls.
—The Rev. Jason Shelby, Rector