Guest Reflection by Cara Kilsen
I never tire of catching that magical view of the ocean as I drive into the lower parking lot of St. Francis, as I have over the past nine months. Often, after exiting my car, I walk to the edge of the lot to linger for a few minutes looking out before walking up the steps to the church campus. It’s a gorgeous view, but I think part of the allure of looking out to sea is the sense of expansiveness and the wild unknown. Those descriptors happen to feel very apt when applied to my Discernment journey.
For any who may not know, or may not be clear on the particulars, I have been spending these last 9 months at St. Francis as part of my “Diocesan Discernment Year” (DDY). Several years ago, I started to feel a call toward a deeper ministry of some kind, possibly of the ordained variety. With the blessing of my rector and parish at St. Luke’s in Long Beach, I entered into the Discernment process. One of the steps, as set out by our governing diocese, is to be sent for a year to another parish that is “different” from one’s home parish. When it came time for that step, I was assigned here to St. Francis. It is, indeed, different at St. Francis from St. Luke’s. Some of you graciously volunteer at the Shower Program at St. Luke’s and have a sense from that of the very different communities and needs of these two churches. I am very, very grateful for the chance to reflect on my own call through the opportunity of a different lens offered by my experience here at St. Francis. The same way that looking at an artwork-in-progress from across the room can clarify important insight to an artist, looking at ministry from the vantage point of another church community has helped me to better understand what serving and loving a particular body of believers means.
I have been so deeply touched by the model of Christ-like community that I have been able to observe here. I had a few nerves about how I might fit into this church, and my experience has far exceeded my expectations. I feel absolutely blessed by the authenticity and generosity I have overwhelmingly felt at St. Francis. I can really spiral into self-doubt about my capabilities, and my time spent here has been utterly transformative in helping me to gain confidence that I may actually have something to offer in ministry, together in a loving community, and with the grace and help of our wild and expansive, and utterly loving God.
In particular, I must thank Reverend Jason for saying “yes” when the Diocese called (with very little notice!) and for being such an amazing mentor to me. His warmth and generosity, knowledge, humility, humor, and deep devotion to Christ and the Church have been a treasure to me. I also must thank my wonderful lay discernment committee: Holly Valiquette, John Bukowski, Kristen Pela, Jill Lynch, and Mark Hamilton. These individuals gave me so much of their time and hearts, coming alongside me in exploring my sense of call. Shelley Reece, Missioner of Youth and Programming, has been a rock and the best co-leader I could wish for in the weekly Women’s Lectionary Study. I also want to thank Elaine Mistele in the church office, who has always been ready to chat about my journey with warmth and curiosity. There are many others I haven’t named who have touched me deeply during my time here. To all of you, thank you!
May 24 will be my last Sunday at St. Francis, after which I’ll be back at St. Luke’s. As far as what’s next in my Discernment journey, much of it is still unknown. Seminary is hopefully on the horizon, along with Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE), perhaps at a hospital. I want to remain open to wherever God may be leading my wife, Leah, and me. I know that God intends whatever it is for the good. I also know I will continue to carry with me the people of St. Francis who have become part of my heart.
Cara Nilsen
Diocesan Discerner